


Cruel Girl

by TheSleepyNinja15



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 19:10:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14599803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSleepyNinja15/pseuds/TheSleepyNinja15
Summary: Mao's appearance affected Lelouch's emotions immensely making him lash out his frustrations to C.C. Unknowingly, his words affected the witch more than he ever thought.





	Cruel Girl

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in R1 ep 15 when they were thinking of how to get rid of Mao. Eventhough I understand Lelouch's feelings, I still think it's too harsh of him to say those things to C.C. when in ep 11 he was so friendly and caring with her. The little gasp that C.C. let out proved that she was surprised and also somehow hurt by his words and ever since I've rewatched that part I can't help but think of what she must have felt after that knowing her history. So yeah, here's a little story during those times. Hope you'll like it.

_"Tell me," Lelouch turns his back on her as he stressfully continues pressing the head of the pen. "If I keep using my geass will I become like him? Or did he end up the way he is because he didn't fulfill his contract with you?"_

_Looking away, C.C holds onto Cheese-kun tightly. "The more that you use your geass the more powerful it becomes. Those who cannot control the power are ultimately ravaged and consumed by it."_

_Lelouch angrily faces her and says, "And eventhough you knew everything about that you still offer this contract to me and Mao?"_

_Staring straight into his amethyst eyes, C.C. answers him without any hesitation. "That's right."_

_"You're a cruel girl. I don't know why anyone would chase after you. Mao couldn't fulfill his contract with you so you cut him loose." C.C. looks down and buries her face into Cheese-kun. "What were the terms of the contract?"_

_Silence._

_"You're a monster!"_

_Surprised, C.C. gasps but Lelouch heed no attention and continues to lash out at her. "Why didn't you finish it when you cut him off? You should've taken his power back or taken his life! Because you left things half-finished Shirley was…!" The chess pieces fly and scatter away when he swipes them off his board. His voice rings in the silence of his room, reverberating against the walls like an exploding volcano._

_"We should split-up while we're dealing with Mao," C.C. suggests nonchalantly as she stands up. "Starting today I'll stay in the next hall."_

_"You can't. The Student Council Culture Club meets there."_

_"I don't care about that. You work it out."_

_And with that, C.C. leaves Lelouch's room with a mixed feeling of emptiness and hurt._

* * *

 

If C.C. would compare herself to something, it would be the wind – invisible, endless, carefree. Just like her immortality that has long before blended to the flow of time – forgotten, infinite, numb. C.C. has witnessed various events in her centuries-worth of lifetime, the ink that never disappears when a book closes a chapter, continuously and silently observing as a new arc unfolds, as the protagonist conquers his obstacle and accomplishes his goal.

She's like the wind – always there but unnoticed and she was contented with that. Her care for the world has already died along with the belief that life is a blessing everyone should be thankful for.

She's existing like the wind – going to different places, meeting different people.

She is a wind – breathing life to people but in her terms, bestowing contracts to those who desperately in need of hope, of assurance that their wishes will come true.

C.C. considers herself like a wind – intangible.

So why, why does a single comment from that young boy affect her like this?

_"You're a monster!"_

She closes her eyes and basks in the gentle sunlight of the Ashford Academy Garden. Lelouch would have a heart attack if he catches her roaming around the campus carelessly. She can imagine him running towards her, all gasping and sweating because of how unathletic he is but she doesn't care. Right now, there's a heavy feeling in her chest that won't go away.

_"You're a cruel girl."_

Opening her eyes, she looks at the scenery before her, of the buildings that house the classrooms and faculties. Somewhere out there are the gym and the swimming pool. There is also a Science Lab that contains chemicals which range from harmless to really dangerous. Unbeknownst to her contractor, she had roamed the school grounds during her free time and when he is too preoccupied by rebellion plans.

She had sat inside a classroom and pretended that she was in a real class, a teacher talking about Math that she couldn't understand and loud classmates asking each other the right formula to answer the problem.

She had been in the gym one night and played volleyball by herself all the while pretending that she was part of a team competing for an interschool tournament. They lost but they worked so hard as a team and that's what mattered.

She had entered the school dining hall and visualized how busy and messy it could get during lunch time. How the students would be at their most carefree state during the day, eating and gossiping at the same time.

She had gone to the Student Council Room and imagined if she were a part of it, she would be the president of a Pizza Club with Lelouch as the vice president. Their problems would only be about acquiring enough finances to support their club activities and to keep the supply of pizza endless.

The thought always amuses her.

_"You're a cruel girl."_

As if she doesn't know it by now. As if her past contractors hadn't told her that after finding out how she tricked them, lied to them, used them for her own convenience. How they looked at her with immense hatred and betrayal, hands clenched, body shaking, after they put their precious trust on her shoulders only for her to break and shatter it.

She had heard harsher words than those.

_"You're despicable."_

_"You do not deserve to be loved."_

_"I wish I never met you."_

_"You deserve to be alone."_

She is already alone. She has been always alone despite having a contractor. Immortality robs a person not only of death but also of the sense of companionship. Each one whom she had forge a contract with were just mere passers-by, slight possibilities she fooled herself to hold onto to end her existence.

But she is just too soft, isn't she?

She just couldn't get herself to forcefully give them her Code just like what the nun did to her.

She is really such a cruel girl. A cruel girl to herself.

_"I don't know why anyone would chase after you."_

Mao is an anomaly. His geass had consumed him greatly making him totally dependent to her. She never wanted to be chased, it would just like chasing a ghost.

So why does Lelouch's words bother her this much?

Why do his words weigh so heavily in her heart?

Unthinkable, she still has a heart.

_"She's a very important friend"_

_"C.C. I don't know why the snow is white but I still think snow is beautiful. I don't hate it."_

Ah, that must be it. That should be it.

She wants to laugh and cry at the same time.

Does she, the immortal witch, just let herself believe and be carried away by some sweet words spoken during one of her vulnerable moments in a cave after a mere boy showed her gratefulness?

How stupid of her.

She lets herself be charmed by him just like his fangirls at school.

But she couldn't really actually blame him, right? Because of her actions, one of his friends was put into danger that forced him to erase her memories.

Because of her, he became a terrorist and a murderer.

She made him a monster ever since they started the contract.

C.C. lays down on the ground, her green hair camouflaging to the green grass. If only she can be actually one with them. If only she could just make herself disappear that easily perhaps she wouldn't be thinking too much.

Reaching up, she stares at her right hand and marvels at how normal it looks, on how human and mortal. A small smile plays on her lips.

For despite how Lelouch's words bother her, they are all true.

Her, thinking only of how she is somewhat hurt now and disregarding Lelouch's feelings and reasons that drove him to hate her only proves how selfish she is.

She only thinks of herself.

She is always alone.

She's a cruel girl, a monster.

And she doesn't see it changing for a long time.


End file.
